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A Surgeon’s Journey

• August 7th, 2006

My Mom was operated on this past November. Her surgeon is known as the very best in our area for the type of surgery she needed. Like many in the medical profession he was self assured and quite factual in his diagnosis and explanation of the treatment my Mother would require. But, there was something else about him, something different. I could not put my finger on it exactly but I had this feeling that he had traveled a journey that was somehow connected to me. Later I would learn why, he has a son with a disability.

I have had a number of conversations with this man of medicine over the past 10 months or so, and all are linked by his love for his son and my work in this field. He told me his relationship with his son has taken him places that he would never have gone to without this experience. He is genuine when he speaks about how much he has learned and the process of discovery both factually and figuratively in his efforts as a parent. At times he appears to have a continuous thought process concerning what is best for his son and what his future may hold, speaking realistically and attempting to understand the various options and systems one must face for someone to “have a life of their own”. His mind is quick and he has an uncanny ability to process information in a manner that creates understanding, not only for him but me as well.

I like talking to him because he wants to explore possibilities versus limitations, because he has joy and not anger but most of all because he not only loves his son, he likes him. This system is so good at setting parents up to focus on the disability instead of the person, to talk about the problems instead of the accomplishments, and individualized plans as opposed to a life. No wonder so many families become disconnected to this system of discouragement and pessimism.

I remember as a child my Mom would be called in by one of my teachers to discuss once again my excessive energy and talking while in school, one teacher even recommended that she put me on medicine. My Mom’s response, she liked me fine, just the way I was.