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Pretending

• December 27th, 2006

I’ve known her for over two decades. In fact when I was still in college I took up residence in a group home serving 8 women and that is when we met. She was raised by parents who did not hear in a time that did not listen to people with disabilities. Unassuming and full of grace she is the person that showed me around the day I moved in with the very grown up title of “Residential Counselor”, I was 22 years old, loved rock and roll, tiny little bars and a good time… always. She was quite a bit older than me and I thought it strange then as I do now to take any position of authority with someone who was born before you, call it Southern heritage but it just seemed downright impolite.

I love her smile and she is more than generous in sharing it… no matter what. I did not know much about her life. The most she told me was that she had a sister who she saw twice a year, at Christmas and on her birthday. My first Christmas in the group home we waited for her sister all day but she never came. I recall not making a big deal about it, as far as I knew she did not have a sister, common assumptions made in those days when we were bringing people out of state institutions who had been there for 30 or 40 years. My grandparents came over that Christmas day and we all pretended they were everyone’s family who were alone with me on Christmas day in a group home. It seemed simple then to pretend.

I saw her last week and inquired as to her plans for the holidays. She told me her sister was not having her over because she has a cold. I could feel my sadness churning in my belly; another disappointment for someone who has had more than her share. But then it evaporated, just like that, because she smiled at me and said she would be celebrating with others, just like she did with me so long ago… pretending to have family a home and love.